i felt so assured and well rested
and any lack of communication makes me wonder about lack of thought..
i have not been so busy yet, i have not been so ignorant.


the lilacs hit me again tonight, along with the fog
the foggy lilacs that invaded my lungs and tried to suffocate me
with their delicious smells
and the lovely delicate shapes
like a charged murder mystery
i can feel like plankes of the earth shifting below me
the stars shifting above
and the moonlight casting his eerie glow upon the pale purple flowers
the lavender lilacs seeming so morose
as to decorate my own grave-
-a coffin full of lust despair and shaking hands

the smell of lilacs hit me
like an elvator from 1930 falling 9 floors from the top of the building
my stomach expirienced the same sensation
and i staggered to run up the hill


it was supposed to be so easy?

bzzzz hmm hmmp, concerned with bees and their lacking populations.
i have yet to save any bumblebees this summer, those grateful handsome men, nor have i seen any queens,
i wish for a beehive to love and adore and the sweetest honey to be absorbed.

this is the rhythm of saying no no no
sometimes i just dont want to talk, sometimes i am spitefully ( spitting indeed) sometimes forgetful, sometimes i like revenge.
i have a problem overcoming myself, and learning to adjust and accept
i am alone, i have no lovers, i have no friends, no posts to lean on, no feet to cry on, except my own, which are getting dreadfully moist.
i dont thrive in this habitat, in any way, and i know its not working, maybe im just scared to say so, maybe i dont want to say no. i am dreading the coming fall, dreading my 22nd birthday, and i am most dreadful myself.
"i dont like it when you dont tell me you dont love me on the phone. i hate the fact that you never think to call me when your drunk. i feel like i invade your life with my anti social attitude and thats not you, how could we ever work? we shouldnt be making such sacrifices, oh my god, i love you so much, but i am torn. maybe i am just jealous that you are doing stuff and I am never invited anywhere. maybe i just resent myself lately, and am beginning to resent you for being too far to watch a movie with me. i want a real boyfriend in my life for once, unlike usual when i dont want one. i dont want to be alone next year. i wish i wasnt such a snob, and see in the end, this is my problem and not yours, so its better to keep my mouth clipped shut, cut out my tongue and stick it in a pretty jeweled box, like a pharaohs heart.

we are too different, we are not the same

sometimes i get my feet lifted off the ground gently with the strange smell of jolly ranchers and the roll of thunder and the trash of water, i am not scared, i remain calm.seeing lovers
0 photos

OH ROMANCE, MY MELTING HEART, I FLEW BEFORE I FELL APART!!!!
out west, following hoofprints, bunny prints, all sorts of animal prints and HEARTBEATS.


i cant explain the last week, but i never wanted to leave without him.

yves saint laurent died today, the one fashion genius at the very top of my list of people i wanted to meet. he revolutionized fashion in a way unlike anyone else, he created the wearable ART FORM and created some of my favorite pieces in the history of fashion. for me he was more than just a designer but a personal style icon who generated appeal to both men and women. his iconic glasses are forever immortalized in mine and i feel a great sadness sweeping over the community of fashion all over the world for this man.

skirts and t shirts, looking good, summer is springing, or spring is like summer here? the wind smells good to me, and sod does water evaporating, but who can smell water? aye i say, because i can smell anything a mile away.
theres a cat that comes to visit everyday, and i think my entire family is thriving on the fact that something may indeed need us. we are all so cold and unlikey and i almost feel like perfect strangers. i am more open in a confessional booth with a priest than with my own mother and she too with my father.
i anticipate all these seasons, but not for the change, except the change in weather. i wonder what its like to live in beliz, where its always warm and sunny. or marrakech, to hide in stone houses. i wonder what their attitudes on life are.

yeah cheers, thanks.