there are so many parts of me that are grateful for having known you and so many parts of me that wish I could dedicate more of my patience in your direction so that we could still exist together.
then there is me flying away (as usual) because I got frightened and unhappy
because I had a small bout of maudlin, of wanting to see what I can do with myself elsewhere

I dont really know where to go anymore. I leave in 20 days to go to Slovakia and who knows from there and to where.

being with you is like
stretching out
after being in a really small bed for a few years
or my coffin

I recently found a picture
where my skin was so translucent
you could see the bruises
that were forming on my character

I think about my body burning
ravaged
in every way
but not death, no that would be untimely
just mostly in our sex

oh

its gasping and breathless

that I have been left

to catch

a breath

as a fish is caught on a hook

you have me

chained like a slave

a fish in a fishbowl to be observed

you watch me

and follow my pulse

like a fish gasping waiting to be cut

insides out

and left gasping

too like a fish out of water

I find myself that i am with you

I have a crush

on someone I've made to be so divine in my mind

they couldn't possibly compare

I've already written our story in my mind

do you know what its like

keeping my head under wraps

a turban

with the wind getting cold, cold, colder

and the sun fading

the sky closing in, down, down

such a downer

we are

we have been to each other

but that turban has turned like gauze in front of my eyes

and now its shifted from when i turn my head

to the right

but this has all been unforgettable for all the notes i have wrote

I have wrought

my hands

over simplicities like fishes in nets caught

that have dried and over time

stained beyond wash

we have turned our head

put low by the wind

turned down by the sky

and puddled like my diabetic blood

I'M IN LOVE WITH A ROBOT.

you have made me hate myself

but only in the way

that I admire

the most tantalizing characters in novels

the bad person is always the most interesting,

which is what I am most about non?

mais, quand meme

j'ai mal au coeur

mais aucun desire

de rehabilite mes sentiments envers toi,

et moi

ou bien comme tu bientot sera

vous.