I get jealous, I am jealous, Im a jealous angry girl. Ive really begun to resent you, I've really come to just not understanding how you do all of this.
it doesnt matter
I've got lust on my side, mostly lust after being in paris and just partying all the damn fucking time. i want to see piles of happiness on tables waiting to be taken, i just want to move around and feel a bass, not feel my heart, but feel body heat.

I hereby will not break my solemn vows to
-keep a straight face when neccessary
-do all my schoolwork. do it well. do it with my entire heart and brain in it.
-watch more french television
-smoke less and smoke more
-smile at people more often, mostly strangers. mostly people who will not strike up a conversation with me
- move to europe again for the summer. what is here? no one and nothing.
-keep my thoughts to myself, keep my heart for myself
-dont do drugs?

i cant think of anything else. I could hardly think to begin with. Everything lately has seemed like such a waste. Im wasting my life. I want to get to the point where I can honestly say "yeah im over that phase now" and I want it soon. I want nothign beautiful to escape my clutches and I want to keep meeting people who provoke positive energy from me.

remember where we used to lay?
under seascaped grass we played
rolling and roaring, touching alas
we found each others lips through moments passed
and i couldnt believe what i could feel
moments of rush running freeing me
like i could never be
alone again
then i found myself undiscovered when i thought it would be over
when i thought it would be forever but alas
we found time had passed and shadows neared
never had they completly disapeared
we never knew what we would find again
the lies and tangles webs of misery
i wrote all those stories
inside my diary
alas alas time is gone
and now all ive got left is one silly song
to sing
now i find myself
missing the undead,
remember where we used to lay?
now we've all been lead astray,
different branches, new romances.
our story is an old fairy tale.
i wrote all those stories
inside my diary
alas alas time is gone
and now all ive got left is one silly song
to sing

I've stopped listening to songs that remind me of him. With every word and every glance, I'm starting to forget why I loved him in the first place. The after hurricane is when you realize what was worth it and what wasnt.. and how much a person really cares.
Now I listen to love songs and fantasize about new seasons, and new smiles, and new things and people that make me smile. I'm glad for the time alone im getting because Im having so much fun so often!! new shit to talk about!! STAYING POSITIVE!!