My legs get cramped against swings but every bruise is worth it. When else do you forget the rain, the cold, the unhappy, the Paris.
I leave in 11 days and my heart is breaking.
This will not be the same expirience it should have been
I'm utterly terrified about everything and anything. If I fuck it up, I'm royally fucked.
But life is fleeting and the prospect of art history classes and hangingggg with local intellectuals and aritsans is rushing at me.
Its too bad food wont taste as good
I've lost my appetite without you. and even when you are there eating with me, I cant keep track of the food. I keep looking at your face.

I rememeber early in september/october I felt like I was constantly meeting so many people that I didnt have time for my friends.
Its a rotten shame that I dont really have any anymore. I've spent the entire year with elyse who doesn't give a flying fuck about me, jenna who doesn't either, and suddenly there is no one and my life is void of friends....
except people who call me out of politeness to hang out, its a real shame
its nice to see someone who gets excited and hugs you. its nice to see someone that smiles at me and kisses me a lot and cuddles me always.
I still cant stop smiling about it

I cant keep the smile off my face, I rly rly rly can't, no matter how much my fat little cheeks hurt!

early this morning a proposal was made that will hopefully last into the next millenium and beyond that. I want the sky, the trees and the birds, actions speak louder than words
it feels nice to stare at you, I dont feel so ackward and nervous anymore. just soothed, really content, really ok with everything.

at the end of the day, I guess its kind of nice to know that no one will miss you when you're gone, no bad feelings about it. You wont break any hearts and there will be no emotion or crying, its sort of good.
I feel like I have no future, ever. It would be so much easier if I just had heart failure and died.

Maybe I'm just setting myself up for some major heartbreak, some major disapointment. I'm trusting too far and too soon and yet I feel ok by it. My breathing is regular and although my hands are shaking well.. when aren't they? since those days of smoking a lot my hands have been in a constant state of shaking. But I feel like for once things are ok, and things are sort of stable and I feel okay-ed. all the damn time. I need so much reassurance and for once i'm actually getting it AND i dont feel like a fucking idiot asking for it.

I've just been pranging about, taking in the situation
today i was so tired of everything that i wanted to slit my wrists to get out of doing work, french work, french tests, french presentations, everything. i've got school on my mind and its just loads of it and its driving me crazy crazyFUCKIGN CRAZY IM SO SICK OF EVERTTHING!
fckt,=...!!!!!

I cant even contain the goodness of this situation, this is wonderful all warm bodies cuddling dancing kissing limbs entangled hair stroking.
And yet i dont think ive been that sexual with anyone in agessss.
i cant complain, i really cant. i just hope it lasts!