This is my skinny in good light. This is me with my shoulder bones sticking out and my shoulder popping up. SKINNY SKINNY.
everything depends on how I perceive myself, how others perceive me because my perception of the world is moreso through a fishtail lense, a colour flash, I dont see it the way others do.
I can't forget being at the port de clignancourt flea market and feeling small next to the antique furniture, next to the louis XIV style furniture.
I'm another girl that has a boyfriend and leads a boring life, truly its not my sort of style, not what I dig. I dig freedom and meeting new people, consistantly who influence me who make me want to push myself to greater things. Its a rotten shame that I cant achieve like my friends do, things like being teachers, students, psychologists, lawyers. they will all have stable nice lives that they love, surrounded by people they love and I will drift along alone, smiling, painting writting, printing pictures of the situations I was in because I'll never remember all of them. I wont remember most of them, buit some of my past wanting to achieve achievements i have achieved so I suppoise the rest of them will follow suite. Whats more important, love? lust? And its funny because they are in opposit places in my brain- I love paris. I love Paddy. I lust after Paris.Paris is both, it is the world where I want to drift and meet and shake around. Maybe IO'm wrong and this everlasting feeling of being bigger and better than north america( the irony almost makes my eyes water, but I dont even think New York is snobby enoguh for me, not elite enough because anyone can be anyone there, not like Paris)
But I have a feeling that I am right, not in a snobby way but because I've seen it and most of them havent.
I talk too seldome and at the same time too much and my thoughts are jumbled with my emotions and they have to be kept seperate in order to make worthy descisions.
because I cant go with my heart, its ripped in two