this is the rhythm of saying no no no
sometimes i just dont want to talk, sometimes i am spitefully ( spitting indeed) sometimes forgetful, sometimes i like revenge.
i have a problem overcoming myself, and learning to adjust and accept
i am alone, i have no lovers, i have no friends, no posts to lean on, no feet to cry on, except my own, which are getting dreadfully moist.
i dont thrive in this habitat, in any way, and i know its not working, maybe im just scared to say so, maybe i dont want to say no. i am dreading the coming fall, dreading my 22nd birthday, and i am most dreadful myself.
"i dont like it when you dont tell me you dont love me on the phone. i hate the fact that you never think to call me when your drunk. i feel like i invade your life with my anti social attitude and thats not you, how could we ever work? we shouldnt be making such sacrifices, oh my god, i love you so much, but i am torn. maybe i am just jealous that you are doing stuff and I am never invited anywhere. maybe i just resent myself lately, and am beginning to resent you for being too far to watch a movie with me. i want a real boyfriend in my life for once, unlike usual when i dont want one. i dont want to be alone next year. i wish i wasnt such a snob, and see in the end, this is my problem and not yours, so its better to keep my mouth clipped shut, cut out my tongue and stick it in a pretty jeweled box, like a pharaohs heart.

we are too different, we are not the same