I suppose we are all the most frightened of crippling emotional pain, that creates voids and tears, because I am too old now a days to cry when I skin my knee on the pavement or bruise myself.
I suppose I fear the day when I am caused pain, which in turn i create a sensation of 'mal a laise' in the world.
this morning when I left the apartment I felt that familiar feeling of being alone and the air looked like 2 summers ago in Paris and my stomach was gurgling last nights beer and I felt like I hadn't left that moment, or perhaps simply had not returned to it in a very long time.
I wonder how long of hours and days pass before time makes us quitters because time makes us forget too.
I am trying all I can to create an illusion of happiness but here is the weather and here is my headache from every possible source that usually stirs them up. here is my headache full of woe, here is my stomach ready to empty itself on your feet. I feel like a vile source of evil and bad energy, here is the emotion of shiva the destroyer, the one who creates to destroy.