I finally feel like these days haven't dragged on
and like my bones weren't so chilled and I could sleep with no clothes on, with the window open
for the fresh air that I crave in my nostrils at night
the punishment of course comes in the form of sloppy lungs and a sloppy wet soppy nose.
I feel good, maybe it was just the massage- but my feet are still tired and they wont' stop, I keep pushing myself to keep my thighs small
I am trying to be healthy and good, So I allow myself to smoke, and when I inhale too hard I end up choking on my words and replace another drag by a bite of my nail- that is by far my worst habit right?
I say mean words when I dont mean anything by them. I sound bored ( ABURRIDO IN SPANISH) and i roll my eyes- he says they still look beautiful.
I feel lucky yet my superstitions dont want me to say it out loud, because I've been sweeping dirt out of my room into the hallway. There is always crumbs and I have to brush off my feet every time I go get get into bed. I woke up this morning with circles under my eyes and I wonder if my constant vigilance is a sign of such. I dream about dream jobs that I am too scared to pursue, and when and how did I lose my confidence?
I wonder about train tickets to paris so I can get to prague. my bank wont let me take out money and I sigh at the machines and sigh at the line behind me. I've only got bills too big to break and I think about shopping. gallerie lafayette haunts me and I tihnk about succumbing to temptation- buying crystal apples and breaking my teeth on them- I feel more and more like Eve.