i cant lie, it was a nice feeling. very nice really.
music gets my blood flowing, my veins pumping through my legs in constant motion. it hits me that perfect way and i cant help but shake it up
it felt so good to let loose. it felt so good to talk and dance and shout and...touch?
that element of touch is always so perfect.

i want art pumping furiously out of my veins. i have no money to buy supplies, and no supplies at home. i need photo paper. i would like scraps of fabric.
what the fuck am i even doing sitting here on this fucking shithole of a computer when i could be making beautiful valentines day cards upstairs?
i hope montreal and toronto make me burst at the seams with art makeing wanting.

i dont know some people as much as i would like to and some people i know too well
its 5 and its still sunshine and blue skies outside. spring is coming, fast approaching.. well not fast enough and at the same time... THERE ISNT ENOUGH TIME
oh my godddd i need to do and see so much that my brain hurts so much that i feel sick.
poppin' 'em pillzz

i am in tatters even more than my old jeans were
i dont miss those days but i dont look forward to today either
can you create an entirely new life? and how would i go about it?
i forgget i might be killed in france by a psycho who picks me up. in his bathtub he'll slit my neck and they will find me entirely in my own blood. i hope someone takes a picture, because that would be a beautiful picture. even more stunning if my skin was white ash, so pure and gleaming and then the stark red of my blood.
my obsession with blood continues. i study my veins, i look at my bloody kleenex. its the thing that keeps me alive and i forget it. its nothing else but that blood pumping through consistantly. maybe one day i will put a hole in my chest and plug it up with fresh moss.
i want someone to find my neck attractive and my little wrists. i want someone to see me as innocent and unknown and gentle, a little fawn.

my head is pounding so much
if i dont drink, i have nothing to do.
if i dont smoke what will i do with my hands?
theres some things that need to be done despite my throat and be body's willingness to abandon.

my skin will turn into white silk
my smile mysterious mona lisa lovely
alone with my thoughts
complete control once the developping is done. no stress, no surrounding thoughts, just pure exhiliration of image on paper on wall in my mind forever!

my eyeballs are burning and my hands stink of chemicals.

i had a dream that took place in france, on the beach
he was a golden haired blonde that i dont even remember meeting. i was swimming and i crashed into his surfboard because i couldnt handle the wave. he took my hand and put sun lotion on my face and kissed me in the water. he fed me an apple and held my hand and brushes the sand away from my cheek
when the giant wave came he held my hand and didnt let go because he didnt want to lose me. and then when i was leaving i remembered to tell him i would be back in 3 months and he smiled and sunshine was everywhere.
can you fall in love with someone in a day?
ive never seen this boy before. it wasnt someone i knew, someone i wanted, he was brand new and clean and fresh and he took to me, bless his soul!
i love dreamland