People meet again, these aren;t coincidences. I will be haunted forever by those eyes and that face that I saw every night in my mind. I'd love to run into you again and brag consistantly about my life, how much I love everyone and how I am where I've always wanted to be and i would wonder if you would sit back and see how miserable i've still been and how hard i've fought to get there and keep it all close. i wonder if you would see through my smiling, my laughing, cheering, pushing, hugging, kissing and all of that because admitedly, nothing has been real since you knew me, its been fantasy and so distant from reality except a couple moments when i caught my breath and remembered that the air tastes sharp and exquisit. Like moments where you dive into the ocean thinking it will be warm and your lungs struggle to breath.. i've forgotten that feeling and i think you would know that just by looking at me
or was i lying to myself and to you and was there never anything? was it just a teenage dream that i explored too deeply on nights where i couldnt sleep. but at the end of the day i know you would hug me the way you used to and though i couldnt feel it anymore the way i used to it would be like old friends, because we are old stars together and its not like either of us would forget ever. I wasnt your first love but we fought to keep things together and yet it wasnt meant to be and in the end we accepted that and moved on. we had both grown so much, or you had and i had so little. i was just trying to impress you that summer you know, just trying to prove to you and myself that I could do it without you, that i wasnt going to depend on when you felt like calling me. but you scared me that summer with the way you were, and your sunglasses were wierd, and your music was wierd and i didnt understand anymore and i didnt think i could live without understanding.
i always hope your happy, becuase you deserve it more than most people i know. you were just as immature as me in the sense of not writting me back after i tried to make things normal again; dont you see that we wont be able to meet our friends without immidietly wondering about each other? i dont know what that means, im too different to love you today, i've met too many people since then. you wouldnt be able to make me starry eyed anymore and you know i always sought after the stars.
I wonder if you would expect this of me, and what you would think I would be like today if we ever met on the street again. chances are my eyes would pass over you and not notice because you arent so startling to me anymore, not even in my memories; those memories i thought would never simmer down, they were always boiling in my mind, scalding me each time i approached them.
please dont forget me as the girl who wore red tights and who loved to see you. i was so scared then, so terrified and little. my eyes were so big and full of colour and so were my cheeks. that drunken first night is still one of my fondest memories and you always will be. :)