i cant do this much longer. i frequently wonder what i think and i need silence for at least a few days, silence frm everyone and everything so i can write and retaliate and think about how i feel, how i felt about last year.
ive got a strange attitude lately and i feel like i am holding myself up like a marionette.. im not happy but im not sad.

I miss a lot of,, happenstance and magic and success and the feeling of tender emotion and true trust, true love, being true and not just wanting to run away from the entire world. it wasnt always like that but often times it was.