aiiy caramba fuck fuck fucking shit fuck.
i dont go out one night and i feel bad about it WHAT THE FUCK, i can't handle this right now, or ever. i can't handle feeling hated. i can't handle not being #1. i can't handle being #1.
sensation to cease to exist. cessation of existing. existance is ceased. ceasing my existance.
the only resolution i see is leaving, but somehow forgetting to tell all those people that love and care about me.. wait now, awesome! i DO get to leave without any trouble at all!
i am a weary, my life is so dreary, and i dont care how overplayed my motives and my personality is. we all want to be something higher and better, artistic, musical, intelligent, beautiful, fabulous, funny, witty, charming, charistmatic when in truth very few of us are, and the ones that are only hold the title of "good actor/actress"
fuck ya'll.
today is an eclipse and i am supposed to make changes in my life. this change includes me being happy, me chosing to be happy, and me moving forward. i always expect approval from everyone else before doing things and never ask for my own. Hair cutting had nothing and everything to do with that. and hair grows back, but my pride doesnt
this is all insufferable and i dont know what to think or do because if its always going to be like this, i dont know if i can do it. is it better to be alone or with someone?