why am i doing this, this thing, why do i speak?
because maybe its all worth it. worth the unsatisfaction, the nights alone, the cold, the snot filled noses, the long bus rides, lack of intelligence, the drunk, the messy hair, the greasy face
its all worth it sometimes. in a strange way it feels like its going right because its growing and not just a huge overload on me. this is what i wanted. i just want a little more stability, a little more vision, a little more touching, a little bareness and not just the naked body kind. i want more talks, more missing, more kissing, wishing. i want trips

i think i need a trip out. right now i vow to organize this france thing before december 31st. i will apply, i will leave, i will prove to myself i can live independantly and i will come back, things wont be the same. and i wont freak out and regret it, instead i will savour the expirience and love the summer here.